Holy Queercakes!

(no subject)

Dear Slaversbane-

I am posting twice because you ask constantly for new questions and I just thought of this one. Here goes.

I am a transman. I have boobs. I have a vagina. I have a pretty big strap-on wang that can be hours of fun for everyone in any given space or time. I generally pass for a man as well especially now that I've hacked seventeen inches off of my hair.

My problem is this. Apparently, this now means that every lesbian within a twelve mile radius of my home is attracted to me. It's as though I am an open jar of honey that has been left outside for the flies and bees to swarm to, lick, eat, and enjoy. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE lesbians and I love what they do and everything they stand for, but in order for a true lesbian relationship to work, it generally needs to involve two females, of which I am not one. I do not wish to be perceived as female.

Should I take advantage of the fact that I've got hoardes of beautiful women who would stop at practically nothing to be in my bed, should I stand my ground and tell them that I am not a woman, or should I just insist that they let me use my giant, impatient phallus?

You tell me.
It's fucked

(no subject)

Dear Slaversbane-

I have a problem and I need your ever-so-helpful advice. See, I have a job that I genuinely enjoy. I don't mind getting up in the morning because I'm going to spend my day doing something that I can, at the very least, tolerate and I certainly learn something new every day. The problem is that it pays crap. Like, real crap. Like the commission equivalent of about anywhere from $7.50-$10.00/hour because 1.) the company is VERY small and 2.) our boss is pretty much a disorganized fuckwad. Said fuckwad boss also refuses to let me work full time because he doesn't want to pay for benefits. I can work for thirty-seven hours per week and do three hours of overtime and he still refuses to count me as a full time employee because he's too goddamned cheap to pay for the fucking benifits. Health insurance would be REALLY nice.

I have a few things I do for money on the side, like private music lessons, tutoring, and babysitting, but that alone is not enough to support me. I am simply not a wealthy man.

My question to you is this- should I tell the fuckwad to suck my giant, rampant, detatchable penis and find a new job that I will undoubtedly grow to hate, or should I stick with this because happiness and mental health are just as important as decent pay and benefits?


Woeful at Work
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Dear SlaversBane

I like a guy, actually I like two guys cause I am trying to keep my options open. However both of these boys are being dumb. One talks to me, but with carefully chosen words as to not give anything away. The other boy IGNORES ME, unless we are around mutal friends. So what should I do? I don't mind chossing one guy, but I can't chose one until one of them stops being stupid. So how do I get boys to stop being stupid and to pay attention to me and how they feel about me?

Stuck between dumb and dumber
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Homework Journals

Dear Slaversbane,

My son's third grade teacher sent him home with a day planner for his homework. Should I be worried already?? I mean how much homework can you actually have that would require the use of a day planner??

Confused in Caca Land.

or your wife,

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